Sheep and the Belly

Okay, this is good. 3 Posts in one day instead of one every 3 months. Here are some pics of the beautiful long horned sheep we ran into on the way to the Flaming Gorge last weekend. There was a huge wild herd of them and I had never seen such an animal. They look like deer with the face of a muscular lamb. This was a female herd, I am told that the males have enormous horns. Very cool. We also ran into huge herds of cows on the way just wandering in the road... I think it was open range land. I love cows, I think they are so cool. I miss seeing them every day (in Washington), I think there is something very beautiful about a black and white cow in a sparkling green dew covered field early in the morning. Fields in western WA can be almost flourescent green and in contrast to the black and white of the cows, it is very pretty I think. Cows are just so mellow, I want to be chill like that... just enjoying the peace of a pretty field of long grass.
Okay, enought about cows.
Unfortunately, we were too preoccupied to get any pics of our actually fishing trip down the Green River. It is a beautiful place, world renowned for fly fishing. It was my first time fly fishing, lets just say I want to go fishing by myself for a bit before I go with my husband and father in-law again. Having two (fly-fishing enthusiast) guys in your ear telling you what to do every second is not fun or relaxing, you can only be instructed so much before you just need to go do it. I ended up just putting down the fishing rod and trying to enjoy a ride down the river.
River went down with us the first day and stayed with Grandma the second. He did amazingly well on a drift boat with Mama clinging on to him every second for nearly 6 hours. We were impressed. After 6 hours on the river the first day and about 9 the second day, Ms. Prego was officially wasted. I have been spending the better part of the week recuperating.
The next pic is of my belly taken just yesterday. I am about 6 1/2 months preggers with Finn. He is due at Christmas... Christmas never seemed so far away! Most people think I am small (which tends to tick me off, haha), but I am actually quite a bit bigger than I was at this point with either River or Sage.

Preschool Time

So, I am just trying to catch up on the latest River news. River started preschool a couple of weeks ago. It was surprising the big emotions of such simple event. He is not a baby anymore, even though he will forever be my baby. In fact, only Mama is allowed to call him 'my baby' still, not even Papa can get away with calling him such a thing... he is Papa's big boy. Here are some pics of his first day of preschool as well as some of his first art projects he came home with.

River, the next Bono?

So. We want River to pursue anything his little heart desires, but to speak honestly... we would be thrilled if he developed a love for art or music as far as talents/passions go. Well, so far he mostly just digs on trucks, tractors, heavy machinery. He wants to be a "worker" more than anything. It is all good. He really has no interest in art yet and perhaps never will, and that is okay. But we are thrilled that he does seem love music. In fact, I think he might become something of an August Rush... or at least Bono. He can hum the melody of any song after hearing it only once and he loves to watch concerts on t.v.. There is a song by the Gorillas that is called Demon Days (River calls it "to the sun") that he will watch as many times as we will let him. Featured in the song is a really groovy gospel choir with a really cool guy directing it. River likes to think he is the director. He always gets all his instruments out and will copy everything he sees. He directs Kenny and I when to come in with the backround vocals, violin, drums, ect. and is very vocal about correcting us if we play any instrument at the wrong time. He also loves to watch U2 concert videos ("Papa's favorite music") and will watch a whole concert through, mimiking everything Bono does. He even runs to find sunglasses to wear as soon as the show starts. Here are some pics of River being Bono.

Missing Sage

It feels like just yesterday Sage was moving wildly inside me (as always), itching to come out. It feels like just yesterday I was washing and folding Sage's little girl clothes, lining up her her tiny diapers on the changing table, being miserably pregnant and ready for our little girl to be here already... dreaming every night of holding her, and watching her grow with her big brother River. It seems like just yesterday Kenny was talking to her in my belly, telling her we couldn't wait for her to come. It doesn't seem like a whole year has passed since the tragic day she stopped moving inside me, the day she did come... September 7th, 2007.
It has been a surreal week. The anticipation of the one year anniversary has been overwhelming. I have been feeling suprisingly numb a lot of the time, Kenny has been struggling a lot more intensly. Dealing with the still shocking reality that Sage is not here for us to hold, and we wont be able to hold her for the rest of our earthly lives. We have survived for a year without her, but we have so many more years of living without her to endure.
Kenny and I went away for most of the weekend, to try to escape our emotions and the ever-present flashbacks of what we were doing a year ago. We tried to plan some fun things to do, to try and find some peace and quiet in the mountains. It didn't work too well, especially without River. When we picked River up Sunday afternoon I felt like I could breathe again, and didn't want to let go of him. It created a lot of anxiety in me to be so fiercly missing our child we lost and to be away from our living child as well.
As we drove through the mountains Sunday, we picked some wild flowers for Sage along the way. Sage's grave marker was installed just on Friday (after a nightmare of a week of unreal problems getting it here, I won't go into that story). We are thankful that the marker is finally here, in the right place, and feel that it perfectly reflects our tender thoughts of our sweet baby Sage. It is a horrible thing to have to bury your child and so surreal to have to choose a grave marker for your child. But at the end of that process, it is a sweet thing to have a place dedicated to the memory of your baby girl.
A little photo album of Sage: the first from an ultrasound when she was about 32 weeks, next a picture of River and I with Sage in the belly about 4 days before Sage was delivered, a picture of Sage about an hour after delivery, a pic of Sage's grave marker, and lastly... her grave decorated 1 year after her stillbirth.