Sage

Sage

My beautiful girl

I know that you are with our Father above

and with your Grandpa and Great Grandpas

I know that you are free, a butterfly

I know that eternity is real, that you are not gone from us forever

but these knowings do not stop the ache

The ache in my arms of having to let you go

The ache of my ears wanting to hear you wail

The ache in my throat constantly swallowing burning tears

The ache in my eyes when I see other baby girl smiles

The ache of my hands so wanting to dress you in beautiful colors,

not just pink

The ache of my breasts so full of milk to nourish you

The ache of my legs

walking through life without you

The ache of my heart when I look at your Papa, my greatest love

seeing his soul in such pain, longing for you– his precious daughter

When I look at your sweet brother River

and think how he would have loved and protected you always

Sage

When your strong legs stopped moving inside me

when your sweet heart became still

the pain nearly swallowed me whole

I thought I could not breathe

When I held your body in my arms and kissed your perfect face

I prayed for you to move

Saying goodbye to you is the hardest thing I’ve ever done

We will hold you again one day

and we will be able to look into your eyes

and feel your breath on our face

Until then

We will never stop aching for you

Our beautiful girl

I’ll love you forever, Mama